Day 62: Roll in the Hay

Once ensconced in the stuffed chair in the Emerald Victorian’s library, sipping and breathing in the aroma of her freshly brewed coffee, Laetitia decided to take her group on a tour by jaunting cart. The jaunting cart, or jaunting car, as most of the Irish other than her grandmother call it, is a traditional two-wheeled open conveyance with seats often placed lengthwise and pulled by a single pony. It was once a very common mode of transportation in Ireland.

It required a dozen carts to convey Laetitia’s group through the countryside. They enjoyed the light breeze and the fresh country air and stopped from time to time to admire a particularly lovely view. Laetitia’s driver was an older man who had a story about Bart, one of the younger drivers who was a ladies’ man. Bart had convinced a young lady who was traveling alone to go for an after-hours ride with him. Once they were underway and alone on a road flanked by hayfields, he tried to convince her to go for a “roll in the hay.” As it turned out, something spooked the pony and they did exactly that.

In the back of his fine jaunting cart
Did an amorous fellow named Bart
Attempt to tempt Mae
For a roll in the hay
Which both did when the pony did start.

Day 61: Malapriapisms

As she walked down Raglan Road to the Emerald Victorian in the freshness of the early dawn hour, Laetitia reflected on her first two months as a Mind’s Eye Limerick tour guide. Ireland had been the perfect place to start the tours. It was, after all, where Limerick was, and Ireland’s history, culture, and beautiful scenery were sufficient to extend the tour for weeks or months. She was pleased with the numbers of tourists who had joined the daily tours, including people from Ireland itself. But would people continue to join the tour if it stayed too long in Ireland? She wasn’t sure. Most conventional tours last for one or two weeks. She decided to spend a few more weeks in Ireland, then head west to Hawaii, then on the Alaska, and then to the West Coast of the continental United States.

She decided to do another non-tour day. It had been almost thirty days since her last break, and she had been out late at a party the previous night. Several of Laetitia’s friends were in a play called The Rivals put on by one of Hibernia’s theaters. The play, written by Dublin-born playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan, is a comedy first performed in 1775. Last night was the final performance of the run, and Laetitia was invited to the cast party afterward.

Laetitia’s friend May played Mrs. Malaprop, a character in the play that ridiculously misuses words and gave rise to the term “malapropism.” Citing May’s day job as a drug sales rep selling Viagra, someone made a joke that May’s malapropisms in the play were “malapriapisms,” alluding to the medical term for having a perpetual erection.

When Laetitia arrived at the Emerald Victorian, she found she’d received yet another junk email advertisement offering to help her grow a larger penis. She laughed as she deleted it. She didn’t need to lead a tour today. She already had a limerick.

A sales rep for Viagra named May
Played Malaprop in Sheridan’s play
And she made the crowd shriek
When her lines she did speak
And malapriapisms did say.