Day 318: Nether Wallop

Nether Wallop is listed as number 91 in Bailey’s and Hurst’s Rude Britain. There is also a Middle Wallop and an Over Wallop. The Wallops are quiet and picturesque Hampshire villages, featuring quaint stone cottages with thatched roofs and churches that date back to the Anglo-Saxon period. They are just the kind of village that readers of Agatha Christie might envision St. Mary Mead, Miss Marple’s fictional village, to be like, except that St. Mary Mead might be expected to have more murders per capita. Apparently, that’s what the folks at BBC thought when they filmed their series with Joan Hickson playing Miss Marple, because they chose St. Andrews Church in Nether Wallop as the setting for some of the episodes.

When Laetitia arrived in Nether Wallop, she found that her group consisted mostly of Agatha Christie fans. They visited thousand-year-old St. Andrews, a brick, stone, and flint parish church that features the only sacred Anglo-Saxon wall painting that survived mostly intactin situ. The Normans had little respect for the art of the Saxon period, and the painting was damaged when the church was remodeled during the late Norman period. After a tour of the church, with many in the group praising the beauty of the church and its lovely stained glass windows, they went to the village square and a local home that served as Miss Marple’s house in the television series.

According to Laetitia’s guidebook, the village name was derived from Old English words that translate roughly as the lower part of a valley with a spring. A mind prone to enjoy the slang meanings of words might wonder whether a village with that name would attract “spankophiles.” A story from the bartender that evening, whether true or not, suggested that this might be the case and provided Laetitia with the limerick of the day.

When Elmer went to Nether Wallop
He searched for and found the town trollop
But his bouts with this whore
Left his buttocks so sore
That he had to use salve by the dollop.

Day 192: Houseguest Distressed

The coffeepot had nearly finished its cycle, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee was pervading the library of the Emerald Victorian. Laetitia didn’t notice at first. She was deep in thought, trying to decide where to go on this day’s tour. She was going to do Minnesota west of the Mississippi River next, but hadn’t decided yet where to start. She flipped through several guidebooks and looked at maps, but found no inspiration. Then she thought of the Bailey and Hurst books. Rude UK and Rude Britain would be no help, but there might be something in Rude World. She opened its index and found Climax, Minnesota. She was about to close the book and put it back on the shelf when she noticed a place in Austria called “Fucking” (pronounced fooking). Having now made her decision, she poured a cup of coffee and began planning the tour.

It isn’t far from Fargo to Climax, so Laetitia and her group went south to do some hikes near Wild Rice Lake and then visited Fort Abercrombie State Historic Site before heading north to Climax to spend the evening. As was her custom, Laetitia sat at the bar during happy hour and waited to meet her group before dinner. The bartender, as it turned out, was an Anglophile, and had copies of all of the Bailey and Hurst books. He said, “There’s an Austrian couple here from Fucking, named Max and Kate. A while back, Max’s sister, Heidi, decided that she was going to come over here and move in with them. Kate wasn’t especially keen on having a perpetual houseguest, and neither was Max, but, Heidi was kin so what could they do? Max is kind of a prankster, so he faked a copy of the local newspaper using his computer and got a friend down at the newspaper to run a copy on their press after hours. When Heidi arrived, he showed it to her. She was so angry that she went back to Austria after a short visit. He whispered what the headline read, and it became Laetitia’s multiple-verse limerick of the day.”

When an Austrian, Heidi, was booking
A trip from her hometown of Fucking
To the U.S. Midwest
She’d never have guessed
At the headline at which she’d be looking.

She was going ‘cause she had a yen
To live with her American kin
Brother Max and wife Kate
Who live in the state
That is abbreviated M-N.

She’d arrived and lay down to relax
When the paper was brought in by Max
And she leaped from the bed
At the headline that read
“FUCKING WOMAN ARRIVES AT CLIMAX.”

Day 113: PooPoo Place

Sipping a cup of freshly brewed Kona dark roast, Laetitia browsed the books in the Emerald Victorian library looking for something else to do before she moved from Oahu to the other islands. She once again came across the three books from British authors Rob Bailey and Ed Hurst, titled Rude BritainRude UK, and Rude World. The authors had collected names—mostly from the United Kingdom, but some from around the world—that have rude-sounding place names. They provide whatever information they can find about each place and its name, and leave it to the readers to discover what is rude about the name if they don’t already know.

In scanning the books, she paid most attention to Rude World, which listed some places in Hawaii, including one in Oahu called “PooPoo Place.” She decided to take her group by PooPoo Place before touring Bernice P. Bishop Museum. At dinner that evening, she presented the limerick of the day.

A shy young teenager named Grace
Found her parents’ address a disgrace
‘Twas the name that did spoil it
For she thought of a toilet
When she came home to PooPoo Place.

Day 39: Dingle Bells

Laetitia decided to meet her group in Dingle, itself, or as it is now officially called, an Daingean, its original Gaelic name. Looking for something that might make the day’s tour a little more interesting and provide the day’s limerick, she had recently discovered in the library three books by Rob Bailey and Ed Hurst entitled Rude UK, Rude Britain, and Rude World. The books identify places with rude-sounding names that usually have an innocent origin. She checked Rude World and found that there is a Dingleberry Road in Iowa City, Iowa in the United States. It was apparently named after the common name of a type of wild cranberry that occurs in the southeastern United States. How the name found its way to Iowa isn’t clear, but it seems to have no connection to Ireland. Having been selected for inclusion in a Bailey and Hurst book, it also has one or more rude meanings that you can figure out for yourself.

Dingle is a community of about 2,000 people situated on Dingle Harbor. After the Norman invasion, it became a major trading port, exporting fish and hides and importing wine. It was a walled city during the Middle Ages and was burnt or sacked several times during the various wars that occurred sporadically during that period. Laetitia took her group on several coastal hikes and did a walkabout in the town so her group could get photos of the picturesque harbor and the surrounding dwellings and shops. There wasn’t anything particular on this day that inspired a limerick, so Laetitia just made one up.

There was a young lady from Dingle
Who fell in love with Kris Kringle
So great was her strife
When she learned of his wife
That she made a vow to stay single.