Day10: Boards and Nails

Today Laetitia took her group to Mallow in County Cork, a market town on the Blackwater River that is known for its salmon fishing. The ladies of the group went into a shop with a sign that said “nails” to get manicures. While they were there, a farmer came in trying to buy nails for building his fence.

Meanwhile, in a local pub, a fellow at the bar told the men from Laetitia’s tour that the farmer had been in the pub and had received bad advice from several jokers drinking at a table in the corner. He ended by saying, “You’ll never guess where they sent him to buy boards.” The farmer’s story became the subject of Laetitia’s limerick of the day.

At Mallow, a callow young fellow
To fence his new field that was fallow
Went searching for sales
Where a shop sign read, “Nails”
And for boards, went to a bordello.

Day 9: Best Chest

Today, Laetitia and her group decided to rent bicycles and ride through the County Limerick countryside to Newcastle West. It is a modern town on the River Arra. The town takes its name from the castle of the Earls of Desmond, located on the west side of town. While the tour group was finishing lunch in the dining room of a local hotel, Laetitia browsed through a stack of local brochures and newspapers on a stand under the window. An advertisement in florid prose caught her attention. It was from a lady announcing a private viewing of her “magnificent chest,” which was described as “worthy of a goddess, contours so fine you’ll want to give it a tactile as well as a visual examination,” and “exquisite knobs that almost demand to be touched.” Intrigued, Laetitia answered the ad and it became the subject of the limerick of the day.

A fine lady from Newcastle West
Had a simply magnificent chest
Which was not soft and pink
As you possibly think
But was wood and held items of dress.

Day 8: Irish Coffee

Foynes is a town of about 600, located on the south bank of Shannon Estuary. It was a large seaplane port during the 1930s and 1940s, when seaplanes were used for transatlantic crossings. Before the port was established, Charles Lindberg made survey flights from Foynes to establish transatlantic routes.

Tradition holds that a transatlantic flight left Foynes only to be turned back because of bad weather. Local chef Joseph Sheridan served the bedraggled returning passengers coffee laced with whiskey. An American passenger is said to have noted the unusual taste and asked it the beverage was Brazilian coffee and was given the answer, “This is Irish coffee.” And so Foynes claims the distinction of being the place where Irish coffee was invented.

Laetitia and her group visited the Foynes Flying Boat Museum and stopped in a pub for an Irish coffee. After Laetitia placed the order for the group and returned to their table, a couple of elderly ladies demonstrated a unique way they had found for staying off the dole. The bartender told Laetitia that they were also good for the pub business.

Two fine elderly ladies from Foynes
Were quite fond of exposing their groins
And creating hubbubs
In the neighborhood pubs
While they raked in large showers of coins.

Day 7: Canticles

Sipping a cup of freshly brewed Guatemalan dark roast, Laetitia once again browsed the Emerald Victorian’s library, trying to decide where to go on the day’s tour. She never knew what she would find on the shelves, and on this day she was surprised to come across a leather-bound illustrated edition of the Song of Songs.

How the Song of Songs, (also called Song of Solomon, or Canticles) came to be part of the Hebrew Bible and later the Old Testament is a bit of a mystery since it is not an overtly religious text. Both Jewish and Christian scholars sometimes interpret it allegorically as representing God’s love for Israel or God’s love for the church, respectively, but phrases like “he shall lie all night twixt my breasts,” “the joints of thy thighs are like jewels,” “thy belly is like a heap of wheat,” and “thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins” don’t seem to support that interpretation. Laetitia put the book back on the shelf and moved on to the task at hand.

After browsing several guidebooks and maps, she came across Killaloe and decided to go there. Irish King Brian Boru was born in Killaloe in the tenth century. He united divergent Irish factions against the Norsemen in Dublin and Limerick to first become ruler of Munster, and he later ruled throughout a greater portion of Ireland. Like most Irish rulers of his time, Brian Boru had a personal bard. His bard’s name was Mac Laig. In Brian Boru’s time, bards were highly educated poets steeped in oral history who kept the traditions of their clan and its leaders alive through their poems and songs. Later the term “bard” was applied more generally to famous poets. Thus, William Shakespeare is often known as “the bard of Avon” and Robert Burns “the bard of Ayrshire.”

Laetitia and her group visited St. Lua’s oratory, built in the eleventh and twelfth centuries, and St. Flannan’s Cathedral (now Church of Ireland), built in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries. After an afternoon boat ride on Lough Derg, Laetitia dropped her group off at the bed and breakfast in Killaloe where they were staying. Then she went early to the pub where they were meeting later for dinner to have a Guinness and come up with a limerick for the day. She sat at the bar next to a young man that she judged to be just over 18, the legal drinking age in Ireland for one not accompanied by an adult. He told her he was a poet and was known to his friends as “The Bard of Killaloe.” He produced for her a sample of his work consisting of several love poems and asked her to comment. She demurred, saying that she wasn’t a poet and couldn’t judge his work. She smiled as she handed back the young man’s poems and thanked him for letting her read them. He had given her the limerick of the day.

“Thine eyes are as black as the sloe
Soft and round as the eyes of a doe”
But this “Song of Songs” ends
Sans “young roes that are twins”
‘Tis the song of the “Bard of Killaloe.”