Day 12: Cockaleekie

En route to Blarney Castle, their next destination, Laetitia and her group stopped for lunch at a Chinese restaurant. An Irishman on the tour, Patrick Murphy, didn’t particularly like Chinese food and had trouble communicating with the Chinese waiter when he tried to order his favorite soup. This incident became the subject of the limerick of the day.

When Pat Murphy said, “cockaleekie”
The Chinese waiter grew quite cheeky
And then tried to shoo
Him off to the loo
‘Twas a dining adventure most freaky.

Day 11: Hot Air

Ballyvaloon is a small community in County Cork, not on a main road. Hamlets like Ballyvaloon are often havens for artists and artisans who find the quiet surroundings provide a good work environment. After some hikes among the bucolic scenery of the surrounding countryside, Laetitia and her group went to Ballyvaloon, where she had arranged for her group to meet with an artisan who made bodhráns for a demonstration of his craft and to see his wares.

After the demonstration, several of Laetitia’s group bought bodhráns. Laetitia offered to buy the craftsman a drink at the local pub and he had accepted. During the conversation at the pub, it emerged that in addition to his bodhrán-building craft, he made ends meet by acting as a sort of broker, organizing events that were a bit out of the ordinary. One of his more unusual feats was arranging for a local man to make love to his girlfriend in a hot air balloon. Advertising on the Internet, he was able to find a balloon pilot who owned his balloon and was willing to look the other way.

The event was not entirely successful. The client arrived jauntily dressed in a 1920s pilot outfit, complete with ascot, and the woman was clad in something Isadora Duncan might have worn. The balloon’s basket was so small that when the man dropped his pants, the radiant heat from the burner was excruciatingly hot on his buttocks. Then his ascot, flapping in the wind, passed too close to the flame and got scorched. Despite the affair’s shortcomings, the client and his girlfriend could claim to have done something highly unusual, the broker and balloon pilots received their fees, and Laetitia had another limerick.

When a young man from Ballyvaloon
Sought amore in a hot air balloon,
He found each hot air blast
Singed the fuzz on his as-
Cot and caused him to end much too soon.

Day10: Boards and Nails

Today Laetitia took her group to Mallow in County Cork, a market town on the Blackwater River that is known for its salmon fishing. The ladies of the group went into a shop with a sign that said “nails” to get manicures. While they were there, a farmer came in trying to buy nails for building his fence.

Meanwhile, in a local pub, a fellow at the bar told the men from Laetitia’s tour that the farmer had been in the pub and had received bad advice from several jokers drinking at a table in the corner. He ended by saying, “You’ll never guess where they sent him to buy boards.” The farmer’s story became the subject of Laetitia’s limerick of the day.

At Mallow, a callow young fellow
To fence his new field that was fallow
Went searching for sales
Where a shop sign read, “Nails”
And for boards, went to a bordello.

Day 9: Best Chest

Today, Laetitia and her group decided to rent bicycles and ride through the County Limerick countryside to Newcastle West. It is a modern town on the River Arra. The town takes its name from the castle of the Earls of Desmond, located on the west side of town. While the tour group was finishing lunch in the dining room of a local hotel, Laetitia browsed through a stack of local brochures and newspapers on a stand under the window. An advertisement in florid prose caught her attention. It was from a lady announcing a private viewing of her “magnificent chest,” which was described as “worthy of a goddess, contours so fine you’ll want to give it a tactile as well as a visual examination,” and “exquisite knobs that almost demand to be touched.” Intrigued, Laetitia answered the ad and it became the subject of the limerick of the day.

A fine lady from Newcastle West
Had a simply magnificent chest
Which was not soft and pink
As you possibly think
But was wood and held items of dress.