Day 234: Text Sex

Since they were touring in east Texas, today’s group decided that they wanted to go to the East Texas State Fair in Tyler. The fair has been in existence since 1916, and each year it attracts about 100,000 visitors. The group did some of the usual things like going on midway rides, viewing new and historic farm equipment, and eating fried everything, including the usual corndogs, cheeseburgers, and such, but also fried ice cream.

Laetitia’s group liked best the ice cream contest where creators of unusual ice cream flavors vied to win the blue ribbon designating their ice cream as best. When the judges were finished, samples were offered to the crowd on a first-come, first-serve basis. Since they were in Texas, there were flavors like jalapeno and habanero pepper, barbeque, and chili bean, but the entrants also include flavors like ginger, bacon, and garlic. Most popular was the pickle ice cream, presumably aimed at pregnant women. While they were enjoying the ice cream, Laetitia heard a table of elderly friends from nearby Arp complaining about how youth were being corrupted by all the new electronic gadgets. It was the source of Laetitia’s limerick of the day.

The folks of an age to join AARP,
‘Bout the kids of the town liked to harp
On how they would text
All their friends during sex
Or so goes the gossip from Arp.

Day 233: Gee Whiz

Laetitia chose San Antonio, Texas for her next tour. She met her group on San Antionio’s river walk, a legacy of the Works Progress Administration, built during the 1930s. The walk is beneath street level and is lined with shops, hotels, museums, restaurants, and other amusements. Her guests shopped and took pictures until lunchtime, when they went to a restaurant for Tex-Mex food. In the afternoon, the group visited the Alamo and had a drink at the bar of the Menger Hotel, where Teddy Roosevelt raised the Rough Riders. In her hotel room before dinner, Laetitia turned on the television to get a weather report. The picture that emerged on the screen was a local show from Dallas that was having a contest to pick the funniest home movie. The winner was a film of a baptism where the boy baby’s diaper slipped aside and he sent a stream of urine directly into the baptismal chalice. It gave Laetitia the limerick of the day. She presented it at dinner.

Said the mom of a baby from Dallas
Who peed in the baptismal chalice
“He is not to blame
For despite his good aim
He’s too young to have done it for malice.”

Day 232: Fife Strife

Laetitia never knew who would show up on her tours. When she chose to go to central Texas, she was surprised to find that this day’s group was comprised entirely of fishermen who wanted to fish on O. H. Ivie Lake, a reservoir noted for trophy bass. The group was very confident that they would catch enough fish for a shore lunch, so while they were fishing, Laetitia picked up the cooking oil and breading for the fish and some side dishes and beer to go with it. As they were enjoying the shore lunch and the beer that afternoon, a local fellow who joined the group had a story about a Hispanic Lothario from nearby Fife. He didn’t know the fellow’s name, but most people just referred to him as “Don Juan” because of his pursuit of risky affairs and his penchant for adultery. He led a dangerous life. Up until 1974, Texas law considered that murder committed by a husband of his wife’s lover, caught in flagrante, was justifiable homicide and carried no penalty whatsoever.

An amorous fellow from Fife
Led a life that was chock-full of strife
For he oft chose to bed
Ladies already wed
And then had to run for his life.

Day 231: Bimbo Limbo

It was time once again for Laetitia to take a break from leading a tour. The previous evening, Laetitia had been invited to go to an Irish pub with her grandmother and several of her grandmother’s friends. During the evening, one of them had politely inquired about what Laetitia was up to these days. She had answered vaguely, “I work for an Internet business.” She shot a furtive glance in the direction of her grandmother, whose face bore an enigmatic smile not unlike that of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa.

The conversation moved on and “the girls,” as they called themselves, talked about their youthful idealism and naivety. Laetitia was reminded of a conversation in Agatha Christie’s They Do It with Mirrors, in which a long-time American friend of amateur detective Jane Marple says to her, “Of course it was the fashion when we were young to have ideals—we all had them, it was the proper thing for young girls. You were going to nurse lepers, Jane, and I was going to be a nun.” The ideals of the girls were somewhat less altruistic. They grew up at a time when young ladies often went to college simply to find a suitable mate.

As the evening wore on there was talk about the fun they had, their boyfriends, and fads like the Limbo. This was a dance of sorts that originated in Trinidad in the 1950s. The dancers bend over backwards and inch forward, pelvis first, as they try to pass under a bar. If they succeed in passing under the bar without falling down, the bar is lowered and they try again, hoping to set a record. The Limbo was all the rage at college parties in the 1950s and 1960s. The girls had an acquaintance that they referred to as the “Limbo Bimbo.” She was not especially bright, but was promiscuous and very athletic, and therefore especially good at the limbo. Though it is hard to imagine, the limbo record is purported to be passing under a bar around eight inches high. It was rumored that the Limbo Bimbo once went into a public pay toilet in Chicago, and when she found that she had no change, simply pulled up her skirt and slid limbo fashion right under the door of the stall. Whether it was true or not, it provided Laetitia with the limerick of the day.

Lacking coins for the loo, a young bimbo
Who was skillful at doing the limbo
Deftly slipped ‘neath the door
Just an inch from the floor
With skirt up and both arms akimbo.