The coffeepot had nearly finished its cycle, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee was pervading the library of the Emerald Victorian. Laetitia didn’t notice at first. She was deep in thought, trying to decide where to go on this day’s tour. She was going to do Minnesota west of the Mississippi River next, but hadn’t decided yet where to start. She flipped through several guidebooks and looked at maps, but found no inspiration. Then she thought of the Bailey and Hurst books. Rude UK and Rude Britain would be no help, but there might be something in Rude World. She opened its index and found Climax, Minnesota. She was about to close the book and put it back on the shelf when she noticed a place in Austria called “Fucking” (pronounced fooking). Having now made her decision, she poured a cup of coffee and began planning the tour.
It isn’t far from Fargo to Climax, so Laetitia and her group went south to do some hikes near Wild Rice Lake and then visited Fort Abercrombie State Historic Site before heading north to Climax to spend the evening. As was her custom, Laetitia sat at the bar during happy hour and waited to meet her group before dinner. The bartender, as it turned out, was an Anglophile, and had copies of all of the Bailey and Hurst books. He said, “There’s an Austrian couple here from Fucking, named Max and Kate. A while back, Max’s sister, Heidi, decided that she was going to come over here and move in with them. Kate wasn’t especially keen on having a perpetual houseguest, and neither was Max, but, Heidi was kin so what could they do? Max is kind of a prankster, so he faked a copy of the local newspaper using his computer and got a friend down at the newspaper to run a copy on their press after hours. When Heidi arrived, he showed it to her. She was so angry that she went back to Austria after a short visit. He whispered what the headline read, and it became Laetitia’s multiple-verse limerick of the day.”
When an Austrian, Heidi, was booking
A trip from her hometown of Fucking
To the U.S. Midwest
She’d never have guessed
At the headline at which she’d be looking.
She was going ‘cause she had a yen
To live with her American kin
Brother Max and wife Kate
Who live in the state
That is abbreviated M-N.
She’d arrived and lay down to relax
When the paper was brought in by Max
And she leaped from the bed
At the headline that read
“FUCKING WOMAN ARRIVES AT CLIMAX.”